For any of you who have ever sat in a pit of darkness or despair, needing just a taste of faith or hope–a touch of Jesus, I write of my current journey for you…
A couple months ago, I had a “fire”–a time where something very precious and valuable was suddenly gone–burned up quickly and unexpectedly, taking my breath away. It often still does. This loss has shaken my core and my faith like nothing else ever has.
Since the “fire,” I’ve been sitting in ashes, trying to sort through remnants of things. There are so many questions that have no answers. I have cried out, sometimes hourly, asking the Lord to answer me, to rescue me, to fill me, to comfort me, to speak to me, and to hold me. He has faithfully met me in so many different ways–friends/family, nature, His word, songs, notes–and yet, the questions have still plagued me. I often smell like smoke, tasting the ashes along with the saltiness of many tears.
Recently, in a time of seeking Him with my sister, Jesus gave me a picture–an image in my mind…I was clothed in a white dress and I was sitting on a pile of ashes with a house burned down all around me. Ashes…ashes everywhere. As I lifted my face from sifting hopelessly through the ashes, I saw Jesus standing right in front of me with His hand outstretched. He was asking me to dance…DANCE of all things. Seriously?? Can He not see that things are a little messy right now…and dark…and hopeless and that the last thing I feel like doing is dancing?? He does see, and He’s still asking. He wants me to dance…to dance on the ashes…with Him.
I cannot describe what the Lord did in my heart in that moment and the hope that flooded my soul…Immanuel. He’s here.
He will not leave me here in the ashes. He has a plan, and it includes DANCING! There’s joy somewhere ahead. I can’t quite see it yet, but it’s coming. He says it is. I just have to stand up, trust Him, take His hand and…dance. What does that mean practically? I don’t know exactly, but He’s teaching me.
As we started to dance, He picked up a handful of ashes and started to breathe on them, and when GOD breathes…there’s LIFE!!
My heart is different, even though my circumstances are not…yet. Peace…Joy….
Following this picture, He brought the line of a song to my mind–“beauty will rise.” Once I found it, I played the entire song, sobbing my way through. I didn’t know the full lyrics to this song–only the one phrase that He had brought to my mind, The words could not have been a more vivid portrayal of the picture He had just given: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJynET3b3PM
“Out of these ashes, beauty will rise and we will dance among the ruins and we will see him with our own eyes…”
I accept your outstretched hand, Jesus. I choose faith. I choose to dance with You among the ashes….Beauty will rise (Is 61:3). You ARE the Resurrection and the Life (John 11:25) Behold, You are making all things new (Rev. 21:5). I believe, help me in my unbelief…
I’m still mid-journey at the moment, and though your journey may be very different from mine, how I pray that Jesus’ touch in my dark, lonely place, will multiply like loaves and fishes of faith and hope in the lives of some of you who may still be sitting in the midst of “ashes.” Others’ stories of faith are doing the same for me.