He Carries Me…
Have you ever gotten back from a season of travel or just a time of high activity and then hit an emotional place that was just…HARD! I mean, wondering who you are and what your purpose is in life anyway. Who is God, and does He really still love me, and…and…and….
Well, those have been some of my days the last couple weeks as I have come off the last couple months of travel. Just feeling raw and tired and experiencing the adrenaline let down of being home, in more of a routine and in my own bed.
Oh, it has been so wonderful to be home on one hand, and on the other, when you travel alot, community (or even family for some people) can seem a little disconnected, and it seems hard to find your “place” in some ways.
How I hate these times, or at least my flesh does. Having said that, I know from personal experience that this very disequilibrium pushes me back into the arms of Jesus in a way that nothing else does. It’s the only place I have to go. After all, “He will be the sure foundation of your times, a rich store of salvation, wisdom and knowledge. The fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.” Is. 33:6.
Though that sounds easy hypothetically, the prevailing of that truth in my mind and heart represents a lot of battle and some gnashing of teeth :-). In order to fight the emotional darkness, I have to spend significant time in Scripture, sleep a lot, listen to praise music/sermons (This time a sermon from Louie Giglio called Who You Really Are. Incredible.) exercise, have times of conversation/processing/prayer with godly friends, eat well, and review His faithfulness in the past, thanking Him for His incredible blessings. Then after many tears and lots of questions, He meets me there, and ushers in peace–oh, the blessing of that–the calm at the end of the storm.
In the end, it’s all about Him–intimacy with Him. He often reminds me of that, even in the midst of the storm. One of His recent statements to me is, “Our most intimate times are when it’s dark and I carry you.” I don’t like the helpless feelings of needing to be carried, but it’s the reality of my need, whether I know it or not.
So, the conclusion of it all which I speak in faith–“my flesh and my heart may fail [which it so often does, even lately] but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.” Ps. 73:26, 28.